"Warning the content of this post may cause distress*
***************************************************************************************
How can it be that a daughter here is sold purely for her virginity?
That the life of a prostitute does not occur out of necessity,
but to fund their parents lifestyle of luxury.
Rape, aids. STD's
Slavery.... in exchange for alcohol, drugs and a new tv?
I wonder cant anybody see,
the girl behind the make up crying out "please help me."
Why is she ignored and condemned by society,
when she was sold to this lifestyle by members of her own family
Someone.... Please tell me, how can this be?
I think this blog is the hardest thing I have ever written in my life ever. Not in the actual construction, but in trying to honestly convey what I see here, what i think, what i feel.
Before I left London, part of the prep i had to do was think about how i would handle stress out here and honestly at that time i didn’t think it would be stressful, i get along with most people and i was prepared for the poverty so stress wouldn’t be a big problem. But what ive found is that I’m not stressed, I’m in distress. two completely different things. What goes on here, what has gone on, the things I’m being exposed to - its seriously distressing me. I haven’t been able to write because i haven’t wanted to remember what ive heard or process what i had seen. I wanted to crawl away and hide and most of all forget. I wanted to go back to my life in London where things made sense. I thought i wanted to know the truth, but the more i find out the more i realised i don’t want to know.
Here, in Cambodia, parents sell their daughters mostly for 4 reasons
- Materialism
-Alcoholism
- Gambling
- Laziness.
Less than 5% sell them because of poverty, and even less than because they were tricked.
So absorb this, that is nearly 90% of prostitutes in brothels were put there by their mothers, fathers, uncles, or cousins. These people willingly gave their daughters away and mostly they know where they are, what is happening to them, and still they do nothing. All my images of mothers crying at night looking for their lost daughters is actually quite rare. Children are expected to look after their parents so good families work hard to send their daughter to university so she can get a good job and look after them. But others cannot wait that long so they strike a deal with a brothel owner and send their daughter into a life characterised by rape, aids, std's, drug addictions, unwanted pregnancy and abuse in exchange for money used not to buy rice or meat, but jewellery, TV’s, drugs, motorbikes and alcohol.
Someone please explain how this can happen?
Tell me how someone can take a 5 year old girl and sell her virginity to the highest bidder, then take that same girl and sow her back up and resell her virginity, repeating the same process over and over again.
How can someone find pleasure with a child sex slave aged just 2... 2 years old. Tell me how her mother can sleep at night knowing that she is the one that put her there.
Explain how when these girls find a way out of the brothels and come to work in places like Daughters, their own mothers will come and insist their girl goes back to the brothel because they are not bringing home enough money. Some of the girls i work with have to plead with their families to let them stay at Daughters and get an honest day’s work.
Tell me how someone can send their son out to work the streets and tell him not to come back until he has made $10. If he comes back empty handed he gets beaten and starved and sent back out to make money, so he sells himself on the street the only way he knows how just so that he can go home and eat and sleep in peace.
These are the stories of some of the boys I work with, the ones i teach music to at the centre or some of the girls that i help out with in the cooking class. These are the stories of many children across Cambodia. This is their brutal reality. This is their life. Stripped of basic rights and the things we in the West take for granted - the right to education, to healthcare, to safety, to love, to freedom.
The right to choice.
This is the young generation of Cambodia.
Wednesday 17 March 2010
Friday 12 March 2010
A side thought - Day 11
Let me ask you a question....
If you were to buy a house what are some of the things you would consider?
Maybe firstly the price, then perhaps the location? Then the number of bedrooms or bathrooms, is there enough room for you or your family? Perhaps even the size of the kitchen and the lounge area? Or what the garden is like - is it grass or concrete, is it suitable for your kids or pet? What about the transport system, how easy would it be for you to get to work? What are the schools like? How close by is the nearest shopping market/ petrol station/ post office. Then maybe some social questions... how will i fit in here? what is the demographic? will people look at me strangely or will they stop and say hi?
In just buying a house the 'to-do' list of questions is so endless that even when you think you’ve answered all the questions you then go and hire a surveyor to tell you about all the things you hadn’t even began to consider!
A lot of thought goes into buying a house.... and a lot of thought also goes into becoming a missionary (or at least it should).
Some of you have kindly emailed and commented on my blog about my need to focus on what God has sent me here to do, which includes overlooking the whole husband/marriage thing! Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m far from obsessed with this issue, but to me not thinking about marriage (especially here on the field) is the equivalent to me advising you to buy a house without considering the price! If I did that you would happily label me as a foolish fool!
Ayako my housemate and I had a long long talk about this issue, and even though she is from and distant from the UK (Japan in fact) she gets the same thing! "Don’t worry marriage just focus on God". I wonder if it is the married missionaries saying this!
So let me highlight a point on behalf of all the singles; it is not that we worry about it all day, no. But we do, if we are honest, think about it a lot, and I actually think that is smart. Even the Bible says what type of leader does not consider the cost of war before going to battle? At least then he has a vague idea of what his troops are getting themselves into!
I'm sure even Abraham thought long and hard about leaving his home when God told him to.
So I think the key here is not to overlook marriage, but to actually look long and hard at it and then let it go. It is important to realise and understand all the possibilities of your life before doing an Abraham and forgetting everything and trusting God.
Just like in buying a house it’s not one aspect that will sway you to buy it, but instead a lot of complimenting factors (even if it means you don’t get the en-suite bathrooms you had hoped for!) Similarly the life of a missionary – has good and bad aspects but its important to look, think, ponder and pray about each one of them. I actually think that is a big part of the process and equally as important as all the other stuff im seeing.
It’s like standing on one side of a rickety bridge knowing you have to get to the other side. You think of all the possibilities of what might happen; you may slip, fall, the rope may snap etc or you may get across easily. Thinking about these things doesn’t mean you won’t take the step and cross the bridge. It just means you take an informed step and say “God in spite of all these possibilities, good or bad, I’m gonna cross this bridge because you told me to. Please catch me if I fall”
L x
If you were to buy a house what are some of the things you would consider?
Maybe firstly the price, then perhaps the location? Then the number of bedrooms or bathrooms, is there enough room for you or your family? Perhaps even the size of the kitchen and the lounge area? Or what the garden is like - is it grass or concrete, is it suitable for your kids or pet? What about the transport system, how easy would it be for you to get to work? What are the schools like? How close by is the nearest shopping market/ petrol station/ post office. Then maybe some social questions... how will i fit in here? what is the demographic? will people look at me strangely or will they stop and say hi?
In just buying a house the 'to-do' list of questions is so endless that even when you think you’ve answered all the questions you then go and hire a surveyor to tell you about all the things you hadn’t even began to consider!
A lot of thought goes into buying a house.... and a lot of thought also goes into becoming a missionary (or at least it should).
Some of you have kindly emailed and commented on my blog about my need to focus on what God has sent me here to do, which includes overlooking the whole husband/marriage thing! Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m far from obsessed with this issue, but to me not thinking about marriage (especially here on the field) is the equivalent to me advising you to buy a house without considering the price! If I did that you would happily label me as a foolish fool!
Ayako my housemate and I had a long long talk about this issue, and even though she is from and distant from the UK (Japan in fact) she gets the same thing! "Don’t worry marriage just focus on God". I wonder if it is the married missionaries saying this!
So let me highlight a point on behalf of all the singles; it is not that we worry about it all day, no. But we do, if we are honest, think about it a lot, and I actually think that is smart. Even the Bible says what type of leader does not consider the cost of war before going to battle? At least then he has a vague idea of what his troops are getting themselves into!
I'm sure even Abraham thought long and hard about leaving his home when God told him to.
So I think the key here is not to overlook marriage, but to actually look long and hard at it and then let it go. It is important to realise and understand all the possibilities of your life before doing an Abraham and forgetting everything and trusting God.
Just like in buying a house it’s not one aspect that will sway you to buy it, but instead a lot of complimenting factors (even if it means you don’t get the en-suite bathrooms you had hoped for!) Similarly the life of a missionary – has good and bad aspects but its important to look, think, ponder and pray about each one of them. I actually think that is a big part of the process and equally as important as all the other stuff im seeing.
It’s like standing on one side of a rickety bridge knowing you have to get to the other side. You think of all the possibilities of what might happen; you may slip, fall, the rope may snap etc or you may get across easily. Thinking about these things doesn’t mean you won’t take the step and cross the bridge. It just means you take an informed step and say “God in spite of all these possibilities, good or bad, I’m gonna cross this bridge because you told me to. Please catch me if I fall”
L x
Thursday 11 March 2010
Daughters - Day 10
Daughters of Cambodia.
Ponder these words.
Because these three words are literally changing people’s lives.
It’s been a while since my last blog so i feel the need to back track a little and share what has been happening over the past few days.
On Tuesday was my first day with the Daughters of Cambodia and it has literally been the most amazing experience of my life so far.
Basically this Ministry offers another source of income and a way of escape for prostitutes (17 +). Often in Cambodia daughters are sold to brothels in order to provide extra income for struggling families. Like sugar, orange juice or coffee, 'sex with a young virgin' is a valuable commodity in this country, so daughters are sold to brothels and their prostitution wages used to stop their family from starving or living on the streets. This responsibility alone is usually enough to stop girls leaving the brothels, because if they do it means their family have no other source of income.
Daughters of Cambodia is seeking to change that. Through word of mouth prostitutes come looking for the centre in order to find a way of escape from their current lifestyle. In exchange Daughters teaches them practical tailoring skill; how to use a sowing machine, embroidery, button making, design, fabric cutting as well as council the girls. The outcome; hundreds of beautiful bags, purses, pillows, key rings, clothes.... and restored girls. They are paid for their work, and offered accommodation and so can leave their protection behind them.
Its actually quite amazing to witness this, and very inspiring. So for the past few days i have been splitting my time to help the organisation. In the mornings i go to the admin office and spend 3 hours designing leaflets for the new shop/cafe that they are opening. And in the afternoon i go the centre to teach music which i absolutely love.
On Tuesday i, though the use of a wonderful interpreter, taught the boys 'As the Deer' on an instrument called the Bellplates, and it was so lovely to hear them playing the melody to this beautiful song and they enjoyed it so much. Then today after much prayer for God's help I managed to teach some of the girls (who also do not speak English) 'I Exalt thee'. This was a lot more difficult! It seems that boys are in fact better than girls in some things! But they tried really hard and i really loved teaching them. In the end they got most of the notes right and it sounded really good, which was such a relief because they are supposed to be performing this song at the grand shop opening in 2 weeks time!
It was so great to be there to see these girls laughing and having fun with each other and knowing they are safe.
It just really made me think about obeying God, and it is so true that when we do obey we really reap the fruits of that benefit.
Here in Cambodia, everything that i know has been or is being stripped away including the unneeded desires of the West for fame and fortune and all that jazz. Everything here is operating on 'basic core needs', as the lifestyle is so minimalistic so its easy to start to think and see life the same way. Its a really hard concept to explain (even harder to grasp!) but that’s how it feels. For example in the West a car is made up of so many things including colour, make, even model. But now, the way im starting to see things, a car is nothing more than an engine, steering wheel, gear box and brakes. Everything aesthetic addition is not so important.
I think because I'm seeing and experiencing first hand the things I have read about it is making me different. Now i have a face to go with all the terrible prostitute statistics i was quoting back in England. Now there are names and faces and personalities. Not just numbers from a Government report, but real people in a real situations that need real answers.
Seeing that kind of thing first hand is definitely life changing, don’t you think?
I do.
L xx
Ponder these words.
Because these three words are literally changing people’s lives.
It’s been a while since my last blog so i feel the need to back track a little and share what has been happening over the past few days.
On Tuesday was my first day with the Daughters of Cambodia and it has literally been the most amazing experience of my life so far.
Basically this Ministry offers another source of income and a way of escape for prostitutes (17 +). Often in Cambodia daughters are sold to brothels in order to provide extra income for struggling families. Like sugar, orange juice or coffee, 'sex with a young virgin' is a valuable commodity in this country, so daughters are sold to brothels and their prostitution wages used to stop their family from starving or living on the streets. This responsibility alone is usually enough to stop girls leaving the brothels, because if they do it means their family have no other source of income.
Daughters of Cambodia is seeking to change that. Through word of mouth prostitutes come looking for the centre in order to find a way of escape from their current lifestyle. In exchange Daughters teaches them practical tailoring skill; how to use a sowing machine, embroidery, button making, design, fabric cutting as well as council the girls. The outcome; hundreds of beautiful bags, purses, pillows, key rings, clothes.... and restored girls. They are paid for their work, and offered accommodation and so can leave their protection behind them.
Its actually quite amazing to witness this, and very inspiring. So for the past few days i have been splitting my time to help the organisation. In the mornings i go to the admin office and spend 3 hours designing leaflets for the new shop/cafe that they are opening. And in the afternoon i go the centre to teach music which i absolutely love.
On Tuesday i, though the use of a wonderful interpreter, taught the boys 'As the Deer' on an instrument called the Bellplates, and it was so lovely to hear them playing the melody to this beautiful song and they enjoyed it so much. Then today after much prayer for God's help I managed to teach some of the girls (who also do not speak English) 'I Exalt thee'. This was a lot more difficult! It seems that boys are in fact better than girls in some things! But they tried really hard and i really loved teaching them. In the end they got most of the notes right and it sounded really good, which was such a relief because they are supposed to be performing this song at the grand shop opening in 2 weeks time!
It was so great to be there to see these girls laughing and having fun with each other and knowing they are safe.
It just really made me think about obeying God, and it is so true that when we do obey we really reap the fruits of that benefit.
Here in Cambodia, everything that i know has been or is being stripped away including the unneeded desires of the West for fame and fortune and all that jazz. Everything here is operating on 'basic core needs', as the lifestyle is so minimalistic so its easy to start to think and see life the same way. Its a really hard concept to explain (even harder to grasp!) but that’s how it feels. For example in the West a car is made up of so many things including colour, make, even model. But now, the way im starting to see things, a car is nothing more than an engine, steering wheel, gear box and brakes. Everything aesthetic addition is not so important.
I think because I'm seeing and experiencing first hand the things I have read about it is making me different. Now i have a face to go with all the terrible prostitute statistics i was quoting back in England. Now there are names and faces and personalities. Not just numbers from a Government report, but real people in a real situations that need real answers.
Seeing that kind of thing first hand is definitely life changing, don’t you think?
I do.
L xx
Sunday 7 March 2010
Thoughts and Feelings - Day 6
I feel:
Overwhelmed
Tired
Uncertain
Scared
Confused
Lost
Silenced.
So many emotions rush through my head its incredible. Almost unbearable. I feel brought to tears but i dont know why, and so the tears refuse to fall without good reason.
The choice ahead of me weighs heavily on my shoulders because as i approach the crossroads i do not know which way I will turn. I feel like Abraham dragging Isaac up the hill... Sacrifice.
Life of a Missionary = Life of Sacrifice, but is it one that i can make?
I feel torn...
I so want to be here, to help people, to change lives, make a difference. But can i do it, can i give myself over to a lifestyle of tuktuks and stares?...sigh.
My thoughts swirl around my head with no release and God chooses not to bring answers to my questions. I think I'm scared of doing this on my own, maybe I’m not strong enough to survive. I want someone to come alongside me. It’s so much easier to think Us and We rather than Me and I.
I know i need to stop looking at myself, my inabilities, weaknesses, flaws and focus on God, but i so want him to provide the ram and let me off the hook. I so want Isaac to live.
But then again what does that even mean!?
Maybe it means that I want God to be gracious and give me a husband to share the burden. But who would give up their whole life and move out here? Its hard enough for me and i'm the one who heard the call!
Or maybe it means i want God to please use me in another way! Any other way!
I dont actually know, but these are the thoughts that go through my head.
Today i went to the Khmer church, which unsurprisingly was in Khmer! So whilst i was playing mental games in order not to fall asleep (service started at 8.30am, that’s 1.30am UK time!) i decided to guess the name of the baby sitting in front of me. She was about 1yrs old and looked like a Rose, or an Emily. My thoughts soon progressed to other things i started thinking about having my own children, what i would call my daughter if i had one. After a while I decided on Isabelle or maybe Grace; these were my two very favourite names. So i concluded if God was gracious enough to give me a family i would call me daughter Isabelle Grace _______ (surname!).
Now catch this... after the service finished the baby's 4 year old sister and Mum come back from Sunday school. So we got talking, and i asked the girls names and you will never guess what the 4 yr old was called.... yep, Isobelle. And guess the mums name.... uh huh, Grace!!! What the heck is that all about! I was so freaked! (i'm actually laughing as i write this!). Does it mean God has answered my cry and will give me a daughter called Isabelle Grace! lol! If anyone, anyone at all has any explanation of how i was able to know the names of two complete strangers, please feel free to email me: jojosglitter@ymail.com!
This is just a small example of the strange things going on here, hence the non-stop thought and feelings. My dad keeps telling me to ignore the emotions and focus, but i actually think it’s all part of the process. A lady in church called it "Transition" (This was at a different church service, an English speaking international church). I think this is all part of my transition process and I’ happy for it. The lady said that it took God 40 years to get Egypt out of the hearts of the Isrealites. 40 years of painful transition in desert wasteland until the next generation caught the vision and entered the promise land.
I'm hoping it will only take me 5 weeks!
L x
Overwhelmed
Tired
Uncertain
Scared
Confused
Lost
Silenced.
So many emotions rush through my head its incredible. Almost unbearable. I feel brought to tears but i dont know why, and so the tears refuse to fall without good reason.
The choice ahead of me weighs heavily on my shoulders because as i approach the crossroads i do not know which way I will turn. I feel like Abraham dragging Isaac up the hill... Sacrifice.
Life of a Missionary = Life of Sacrifice, but is it one that i can make?
I feel torn...
I so want to be here, to help people, to change lives, make a difference. But can i do it, can i give myself over to a lifestyle of tuktuks and stares?...sigh.
My thoughts swirl around my head with no release and God chooses not to bring answers to my questions. I think I'm scared of doing this on my own, maybe I’m not strong enough to survive. I want someone to come alongside me. It’s so much easier to think Us and We rather than Me and I.
I know i need to stop looking at myself, my inabilities, weaknesses, flaws and focus on God, but i so want him to provide the ram and let me off the hook. I so want Isaac to live.
But then again what does that even mean!?
Maybe it means that I want God to be gracious and give me a husband to share the burden. But who would give up their whole life and move out here? Its hard enough for me and i'm the one who heard the call!
Or maybe it means i want God to please use me in another way! Any other way!
I dont actually know, but these are the thoughts that go through my head.
Today i went to the Khmer church, which unsurprisingly was in Khmer! So whilst i was playing mental games in order not to fall asleep (service started at 8.30am, that’s 1.30am UK time!) i decided to guess the name of the baby sitting in front of me. She was about 1yrs old and looked like a Rose, or an Emily. My thoughts soon progressed to other things i started thinking about having my own children, what i would call my daughter if i had one. After a while I decided on Isabelle or maybe Grace; these were my two very favourite names. So i concluded if God was gracious enough to give me a family i would call me daughter Isabelle Grace _______ (surname!).
Now catch this... after the service finished the baby's 4 year old sister and Mum come back from Sunday school. So we got talking, and i asked the girls names and you will never guess what the 4 yr old was called.... yep, Isobelle. And guess the mums name.... uh huh, Grace!!! What the heck is that all about! I was so freaked! (i'm actually laughing as i write this!). Does it mean God has answered my cry and will give me a daughter called Isabelle Grace! lol! If anyone, anyone at all has any explanation of how i was able to know the names of two complete strangers, please feel free to email me: jojosglitter@ymail.com!
This is just a small example of the strange things going on here, hence the non-stop thought and feelings. My dad keeps telling me to ignore the emotions and focus, but i actually think it’s all part of the process. A lady in church called it "Transition" (This was at a different church service, an English speaking international church). I think this is all part of my transition process and I’ happy for it. The lady said that it took God 40 years to get Egypt out of the hearts of the Isrealites. 40 years of painful transition in desert wasteland until the next generation caught the vision and entered the promise land.
I'm hoping it will only take me 5 weeks!
L x
Friday 5 March 2010
Touched - Day 4
*Warning: this entry is looooong, brace yourself!*
My day today started very extra specially early, 5.45am to be exact. I had to be up and ready for my first experience of a Christian Khmer (pronounced Khamai) wedding which started at 7am... yes that's right 7AM! It was a surreal waking up in pitch black but I actually managed it. The wedding itself reminded me a lot of the traditional engagements of a Nigerian wedding. The groom had a procession to the bride’s house (which was really the church) and we all went behind him in pairs bearing silver trays of matching fruit. Then we had to stand outside whilst the negotiators negotiated the terms:
Bride family: "Who is this man??"
Groom family: "We have come to seek the hand of your daughter"
Bride family: "our daughter?"
Groom family "yes your daughter"
Bride Family "Ah...really?
Groom Family "yes really...." and so on and so forth.
Eventually we were accepted in and the Christian ceremony proceeded, and just like in all other traditional weddings I’ve been to I didn’t understand a word of what was being said! But there were lots of pretty colours to look at so I enjoyed myself in my own way!
After a few hours we left, and I had the rest of the morning to myself. Like i wrote yesterday, I’ve been thinking a lot about the reality of being a missionary. What it would be like to be a single person on the mission field to be alone and so far away from family, My two housemates are in there late 20's/early 30's and there are not too many male prospects around! How would I handle that? Or even more complicated... what would it be like to raise a family here. For them to endure the staring, and the alienation and the heat! Would it be fair to put them through that? So so many thoughts in my head about the practicalities and realities of this potential life. But God being himself (i.e being good) was on hand to speak to me. I had another meeting at 3pm and so took most of the mid morning gap to pray (although I did also watch Titanic....it was a long gap!) I really asked God to speak to me about this country, and lo and behold his voice, well impression came...
At 3pm I took another Tuktuk with Serene to meet a woman called Ruth Elliot who runs a programme in Cam called “Daughters”. Basically they offer women who are prostitutes another way of making an income by teaching them other practical skills. In coming to the centre the girls have to agree to leave the life of prostitution.
Now i had been looking forward to this meeting since i arrived but i don’t think anything could have prepared me for what i saw. We had driven for a long time, to the poorest part of the Phnom Penh, down alleyways, past rotting sewers and into a small tiny cramped street. Based on first impressions i wasn’t expecting much at all! We had to sign in the visitors book and read the visitors guidelines which included things like not taking photos of the girls, and not disclosing the whereabouts of the centre or the girls that were there. Then we were given a tour.
The centre is simply a really big house that has been separated into several areas. We started the tour on the ground floor where some of the girls were painting the nails of tourists. They showed us the designs and colours they were using and the tourists seemed happy enough with the designs. In the next room were girls some girls working at several sowing machine stations, our guide told us that these girls had only just arrived at the centre and so were being given a month of teaching where they learnt basic sowing skills and were shown how to use a sowing machine..
The next room had another group of about 6 girls sitting on the floor hand-stitching bags, purses, scarves. These girls were the ones who had progressed from the first class and were practicing their own designs. The next room had another 5 or so girls hand weaving lace tapestries. Literally taking a string and weaving lace patterns out of nothing but there imagination. When they had finished the small lace stitching they then passed it on to the adjacent group who were painstakingly hand-stiching they different lace tapestries together to make table coverings, pillow cases etc. It was really quite amazing to watch.
We then went upstairs to the kitchen area to meet some more girls. This group were very very (!) chatty and spoke some English they had been at the centre the longest and were really friendly. They insisted were tried some of the potato soup, fresh bread and caramel cake they had just finished preparing. They how Ruth was supporting told me of their plans to open a restaurant nearby, calling it Daughters Cafe, where they would sell all their new recipes!
In the final room were a group people making buttons... yes buttons made of leather made by hand. I have never seen anything like it! Some of the people in the group were transsexual boys, they didn’t look more than 14/15. It was a shock at first to see them acting so feminine and i didn’t know who they were but later Ruth explained they were also ex-sex workers from the area. They had literally come to the centre a couple of weeks ago and then just last Sunday 4 of them suddenly gave their lives! It was a touching story!
Ruth herself is quite an amazing woman, and I found myself really relating to her. Being at the centre it kept coming to me over and over again that she was really changing these girl’s lives by giving them a way out of the sex trade they were caught in. She told me Daughters even had an arrangement with the local bank so that when girls finished at the centre (which takes about 2yrs) they would help them get a loan so they can buy their own sewing machine and start their own business. It was truly touching. It really got me thinking for the first time since I’ve been here about the impact that can be made when we answer God’s call. What would have become of these girls (and boys) if Ruth had stayed in England because of the comforts of life? For the first time I really thought about the need of these people. I was so encouraged because with my own two eyes I could see that God was using ministries like Daughters to practically change real lives.
Lx
My day today started very extra specially early, 5.45am to be exact. I had to be up and ready for my first experience of a Christian Khmer (pronounced Khamai) wedding which started at 7am... yes that's right 7AM! It was a surreal waking up in pitch black but I actually managed it. The wedding itself reminded me a lot of the traditional engagements of a Nigerian wedding. The groom had a procession to the bride’s house (which was really the church) and we all went behind him in pairs bearing silver trays of matching fruit. Then we had to stand outside whilst the negotiators negotiated the terms:
Bride family: "Who is this man??"
Groom family: "We have come to seek the hand of your daughter"
Bride family: "our daughter?"
Groom family "yes your daughter"
Bride Family "Ah...really?
Groom Family "yes really...." and so on and so forth.
Eventually we were accepted in and the Christian ceremony proceeded, and just like in all other traditional weddings I’ve been to I didn’t understand a word of what was being said! But there were lots of pretty colours to look at so I enjoyed myself in my own way!
After a few hours we left, and I had the rest of the morning to myself. Like i wrote yesterday, I’ve been thinking a lot about the reality of being a missionary. What it would be like to be a single person on the mission field to be alone and so far away from family, My two housemates are in there late 20's/early 30's and there are not too many male prospects around! How would I handle that? Or even more complicated... what would it be like to raise a family here. For them to endure the staring, and the alienation and the heat! Would it be fair to put them through that? So so many thoughts in my head about the practicalities and realities of this potential life. But God being himself (i.e being good) was on hand to speak to me. I had another meeting at 3pm and so took most of the mid morning gap to pray (although I did also watch Titanic....it was a long gap!) I really asked God to speak to me about this country, and lo and behold his voice, well impression came...
At 3pm I took another Tuktuk with Serene to meet a woman called Ruth Elliot who runs a programme in Cam called “Daughters”. Basically they offer women who are prostitutes another way of making an income by teaching them other practical skills. In coming to the centre the girls have to agree to leave the life of prostitution.
Now i had been looking forward to this meeting since i arrived but i don’t think anything could have prepared me for what i saw. We had driven for a long time, to the poorest part of the Phnom Penh, down alleyways, past rotting sewers and into a small tiny cramped street. Based on first impressions i wasn’t expecting much at all! We had to sign in the visitors book and read the visitors guidelines which included things like not taking photos of the girls, and not disclosing the whereabouts of the centre or the girls that were there. Then we were given a tour.
The centre is simply a really big house that has been separated into several areas. We started the tour on the ground floor where some of the girls were painting the nails of tourists. They showed us the designs and colours they were using and the tourists seemed happy enough with the designs. In the next room were girls some girls working at several sowing machine stations, our guide told us that these girls had only just arrived at the centre and so were being given a month of teaching where they learnt basic sowing skills and were shown how to use a sowing machine..
The next room had another group of about 6 girls sitting on the floor hand-stitching bags, purses, scarves. These girls were the ones who had progressed from the first class and were practicing their own designs. The next room had another 5 or so girls hand weaving lace tapestries. Literally taking a string and weaving lace patterns out of nothing but there imagination. When they had finished the small lace stitching they then passed it on to the adjacent group who were painstakingly hand-stiching they different lace tapestries together to make table coverings, pillow cases etc. It was really quite amazing to watch.
We then went upstairs to the kitchen area to meet some more girls. This group were very very (!) chatty and spoke some English they had been at the centre the longest and were really friendly. They insisted were tried some of the potato soup, fresh bread and caramel cake they had just finished preparing. They how Ruth was supporting told me of their plans to open a restaurant nearby, calling it Daughters Cafe, where they would sell all their new recipes!
In the final room were a group people making buttons... yes buttons made of leather made by hand. I have never seen anything like it! Some of the people in the group were transsexual boys, they didn’t look more than 14/15. It was a shock at first to see them acting so feminine and i didn’t know who they were but later Ruth explained they were also ex-sex workers from the area. They had literally come to the centre a couple of weeks ago and then just last Sunday 4 of them suddenly gave their lives! It was a touching story!
Ruth herself is quite an amazing woman, and I found myself really relating to her. Being at the centre it kept coming to me over and over again that she was really changing these girl’s lives by giving them a way out of the sex trade they were caught in. She told me Daughters even had an arrangement with the local bank so that when girls finished at the centre (which takes about 2yrs) they would help them get a loan so they can buy their own sewing machine and start their own business. It was truly touching. It really got me thinking for the first time since I’ve been here about the impact that can be made when we answer God’s call. What would have become of these girls (and boys) if Ruth had stayed in England because of the comforts of life? For the first time I really thought about the need of these people. I was so encouraged because with my own two eyes I could see that God was using ministries like Daughters to practically change real lives.
Lx
Thursday 4 March 2010
Inner Conflict - Day 3
Today was the first day where i have actually felt a deep felt conflict within me. It was actually a really difficult day for me and i was thinking all day of what i would write today, how i would explain how i was feeling... i struggle to find the words.
The romance is over... reality is kicking in. This morning i went on a tour of the community where i am staying, Toul Kork. i went the Psar (Market) and it was the most overwhelming things i have seen so far. It was dark and cramped and very very hot. Innumerable stalls packed together with about a meter space to navigate through the tiny alleyways. The smell of raw meat, dead fish was indescribable turned my stomach in such a strong way. Then there were so many beggars, old old people that looked so frail and vulnerable. A man with an amputated leg that swung his body along the floor using his hands, then there was a woman who was stopped over so low she was at a right angle to the ground. Everywhere i turned was something strange, unfamiliar, I felt like a helpless child i couldn’t even ask the price of something on my own. Whenever my housemate where out of sight i panicked, if i got lost what would i do. Its an incredibly hard experience to have your independence completely stripped away from you.
When we got back to the team centre i was supposed to have language lessons and i just started crying. i dont even know why! i wasnt upset but incredibly overwhelmed - i just didnt know how to deal with all the changes, and the heat. its so so so hot, so even not being able to get cool is upsetting!
Its funny because i talked to Serene about it all and she really helped me, and i realised that this is how God is working on me.
Yesterday i was wondering if i made a mistake, it was only day 2 and i was thinking 'what on earth am i doing here!' But God spoke to me today so subtly and dropped into my mind the image of a newly married couple. Does knowing that is the person God wanted you to marry make it any easier? Doesnt mean you are not going to have doubts or wonder if you made a mistake whenever something doesnt go according to plan? No. it just means you know God is backing you and will help you through it.
So in all of the loss and loneliness and isolation, there is a window of light, the knowledge that it is all for a purpose, even if i cant see it right now.
And God being God and being good just reminded me of His awesomeness this evening. In the midst of feeling alone and misunderstood even amongst housemates tonight for some reason I just got my guitar out and started playing some songs. It turns out that the other girl also plays guitar and they used to have fellowship evenings together. So we just started singing from the heart 'Shine Jesus Shine, fill this land with the Fathers glory, blaze Spirit blaze set our hearts on fire, flow river flow flood this nation with grace and mercy, send forth your word and let there be light'. And there and then something shifted... a peace descended and we ended up praying for each other. It was really amazing one of those moments when you know God is just reaching down and giving you a hug in the midst of it all.
L x
The romance is over... reality is kicking in. This morning i went on a tour of the community where i am staying, Toul Kork. i went the Psar (Market) and it was the most overwhelming things i have seen so far. It was dark and cramped and very very hot. Innumerable stalls packed together with about a meter space to navigate through the tiny alleyways. The smell of raw meat, dead fish was indescribable turned my stomach in such a strong way. Then there were so many beggars, old old people that looked so frail and vulnerable. A man with an amputated leg that swung his body along the floor using his hands, then there was a woman who was stopped over so low she was at a right angle to the ground. Everywhere i turned was something strange, unfamiliar, I felt like a helpless child i couldn’t even ask the price of something on my own. Whenever my housemate where out of sight i panicked, if i got lost what would i do. Its an incredibly hard experience to have your independence completely stripped away from you.
When we got back to the team centre i was supposed to have language lessons and i just started crying. i dont even know why! i wasnt upset but incredibly overwhelmed - i just didnt know how to deal with all the changes, and the heat. its so so so hot, so even not being able to get cool is upsetting!
Its funny because i talked to Serene about it all and she really helped me, and i realised that this is how God is working on me.
Yesterday i was wondering if i made a mistake, it was only day 2 and i was thinking 'what on earth am i doing here!' But God spoke to me today so subtly and dropped into my mind the image of a newly married couple. Does knowing that is the person God wanted you to marry make it any easier? Doesnt mean you are not going to have doubts or wonder if you made a mistake whenever something doesnt go according to plan? No. it just means you know God is backing you and will help you through it.
So in all of the loss and loneliness and isolation, there is a window of light, the knowledge that it is all for a purpose, even if i cant see it right now.
And God being God and being good just reminded me of His awesomeness this evening. In the midst of feeling alone and misunderstood even amongst housemates tonight for some reason I just got my guitar out and started playing some songs. It turns out that the other girl also plays guitar and they used to have fellowship evenings together. So we just started singing from the heart 'Shine Jesus Shine, fill this land with the Fathers glory, blaze Spirit blaze set our hearts on fire, flow river flow flood this nation with grace and mercy, send forth your word and let there be light'. And there and then something shifted... a peace descended and we ended up praying for each other. It was really amazing one of those moments when you know God is just reaching down and giving you a hug in the midst of it all.
L x
Wednesday 3 March 2010
Welcome to Cambodia
"Welcome Liz"... the colourful sign hangs prominantly on my bedroom door, placed there by my two housemates Ayako and Dorina, it fills my with alot of peace.
I cannot believe i am actually in the Kingdom of Cambodia, it is so strange and surreal. We are 7 hours ahead here so the time difference should really affect me but it doesnt at all. The 14 hour flight via Singapore went really quickly... it truly is miles away from Easy Jet. I had leg room, i didnt have to scramble to the departure gate, they actually served food- three meals which included roast beef, and prawn noodles which was delicious! I watched two really good films 'Kung Fu Panda' and 'Blind Side'. i could have watched more but i wanted to save something for the return flight home!
It wasnt at all strange flying for so long and im not Jet lagged at all. As far as my body is concerned it went to bed when it was dark and woke up in the light, so it feels like a normal day even though im so far ahead!
Today was good, met up with Serene who is the Serve Asia co-ordinator and has really been helping me in the run up to arriving here! I had my first ride in a Tuk -Tuk which is a very intresting contraption! Its like a horse carriage but on the back motorcycle and is vastly more safe than the Motortaxis. I saw a family of four (including 2 children who must of been about 3/4) sitting on one Motorraxi! The traffic system is similar to that of swarming bees, it just surges forward with little regard to the oposing traffic. Crossing the road (as Serene kindly reminded me) is just about "taking small steps of faith" there's no such thing as pedestrian crossings here! You simply step out slowly and allow traffic to navigate around you, " remember no sudden movements". Imagine any Idiana Jones film where he has to cross a series of swinging blades and swords and you will be close to the Cambodian traffic system!
The people here are very nice and smiley but they do really stare, i mean really really stare. I think next time i am at London Zoo i will be more compassionate towards the animals! Its like i am an Alien species, something to be analysed and fascinated over! Its really intresting being the only Black person in the whole of Cambodia (well thats how i feel anyway)!!!!
I got my scheduale today and most of my work here will consist manly of helping out with an organisation called Daughters. It offers an alternative to prostitutes who have the desire to get out of the brothels but have no other means of income, so it helps find them jobs such as sowing etc. People all over the team centre keep mentioning dancing, so i assume thats what i will be doing there so if any one has any dancing tips... please kindly let me know!
Liz xx
I cannot believe i am actually in the Kingdom of Cambodia, it is so strange and surreal. We are 7 hours ahead here so the time difference should really affect me but it doesnt at all. The 14 hour flight via Singapore went really quickly... it truly is miles away from Easy Jet. I had leg room, i didnt have to scramble to the departure gate, they actually served food- three meals which included roast beef, and prawn noodles which was delicious! I watched two really good films 'Kung Fu Panda' and 'Blind Side'. i could have watched more but i wanted to save something for the return flight home!
It wasnt at all strange flying for so long and im not Jet lagged at all. As far as my body is concerned it went to bed when it was dark and woke up in the light, so it feels like a normal day even though im so far ahead!
Today was good, met up with Serene who is the Serve Asia co-ordinator and has really been helping me in the run up to arriving here! I had my first ride in a Tuk -Tuk which is a very intresting contraption! Its like a horse carriage but on the back motorcycle and is vastly more safe than the Motortaxis. I saw a family of four (including 2 children who must of been about 3/4) sitting on one Motorraxi! The traffic system is similar to that of swarming bees, it just surges forward with little regard to the oposing traffic. Crossing the road (as Serene kindly reminded me) is just about "taking small steps of faith" there's no such thing as pedestrian crossings here! You simply step out slowly and allow traffic to navigate around you, " remember no sudden movements". Imagine any Idiana Jones film where he has to cross a series of swinging blades and swords and you will be close to the Cambodian traffic system!
The people here are very nice and smiley but they do really stare, i mean really really stare. I think next time i am at London Zoo i will be more compassionate towards the animals! Its like i am an Alien species, something to be analysed and fascinated over! Its really intresting being the only Black person in the whole of Cambodia (well thats how i feel anyway)!!!!
I got my scheduale today and most of my work here will consist manly of helping out with an organisation called Daughters. It offers an alternative to prostitutes who have the desire to get out of the brothels but have no other means of income, so it helps find them jobs such as sowing etc. People all over the team centre keep mentioning dancing, so i assume thats what i will be doing there so if any one has any dancing tips... please kindly let me know!
Liz xx
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